Everyday I kick myself for not blogging and I can’t tell you why I don’t. I have this complete and utter desire to blog all the time about things that mean a lot to me, or things i find interesting or fun but there is this massive wall.
Partly I think it is due to that fact I am a very ‘nothing will ever be good enough’ person. I find it incredibly difficult to let things go because I never feel like things I create or do are good enough. I never feel like things I do represent the real me? I know it sounds weird and stupid but unless you are similar to me in that sense I guess you’ll find it difficult to understand.
Am I also the only person who spend a lot of time thinking everyone else is doing it ‘right’ and I am the only one doing it wrong? ergh, sorry this is such a rambley blog but I just want think I need to put this down in words so I understand it better myself than having things jumbled up in my head where I usually keep everything in a mess.
Maybe it is an age thing and at the baby age of 22 I have’t quite worked myself out? or maybe I have worked myself out and this is it? a rambley person who always has about 2 million thoughts rushing through her mind and not the capability to convey them in a productive or meaningful way? That was one of the goals of starting a blog, but to date nothings improved.
This blog post has been a product of an evening reading and watching other blog posts and video blogs from people around the glob, writing and talking about a series of different topics and myself laying on my bed wondering why I can’t write or talk like that? I’ve lost track of the amount of blogs I’ve written and deleted because rereading them for the 600 time I’ve decided it cant go out. Hell, I closed two tabs about 20 mins ago, both of which had complete blog posts on. One was on difference in men and womens approach to relationships and the other on some recent research conducted by Simon Baron-Cohen. Why did I delete them? I am not sure. Was I sad to see 1200 words gone in the blink of an eye, no.
Hmmmm, I hope i get better at this stuff, I really would like to be someone people read the words of and feel inspired.
For the time being, Much love.